If you are one of the many HIV positive singles out there, you are already painfully aware of how difficult it can be to get into the dating game again. Dating definitely comes with a set of challenges. At some point after you were diagnosed, you probably felt that you could never, ever date again and that no one ever will want you. Hopefully, you are over that sort of pessimism now since love waits for no one and your potential soulmate might be just around the corner.
So, you get back in the game and start dating again. Unless you used some of the terrific dating sites for people with HIV, where full disclosure is the general policy, the question of how and when to tell your date about your HIV status is probably eating you out right now. We understand since it definitely is a tough question. However, the problem is not impossible to solve.
Some people prefer to wait until they can tell that a relationship is actually going somewhere. There is some logic to it, sure. You don’t want to tell just about anyone that you’re HIV positive, and if the relationship turns out to be a dud, you’ll save yourself some potential hurt and humiliation. However, there is a major flaw in this logic. The person who will reject you because you’re positive after three or ten dates is the same person who will reject you right away, as soon as you tell them. Time doesn’t matter here. If they can’t deal with it from the start, why would they be able to deal with it later? Because you grew on them? That’s just nonsense.
If you decide to come out right away, on the very first date, you will know right then and there what kind of person you’re dealing with. You will save a lot of valuable time instead of spending it on someone who’s really not worthy of your time.
Keep Expectations Low
The sad truth is that many (if not most) people will run away the moment they learn you’re HIV positive. It’s something you simply have to learn to cope with. And you will, with time. In the meantime, it’s probably a good idea to keep your expectations low. Always count on the fact that the person you’re interested in might reject you. That way, you will be prepared if it happens, and you will be able to handle the rejection much better. And always remember that if someone rejected you because of your HIV status, they were never good enough for you in the first place.
Don’t Make A Big Deal Out Of It
This one may seem a bit weird since HIV definitely is a big deal. However, it’s all about how you approach it and perceive it. The way you feel about HIV translates to the way others feel about you being HIV-positive. If you are not comfortable with your condition, then others won’t be comfortable either. They will sense that you are troubled and torn and they won’t be too enthusiastic about starting a relationship. On the other hand, if you come off as a confident, bright, optimistic person who has successfully come to terms with HIV, others will be impressed, to say the least. You will appear even more attractive as a person and your HIV won’t seem so scary after all.
Don’t Explain, Don’t Apologize
Remember that you have a virus, not a bunch of dead bodies buried under the barn. Being an HIV positive single and wanting to meet other HIV positive singles is not illegal and you don’t have to apologize for anything to anyone. Explaining, justifying yourself or apologizing for the fact you are HIV positive will only make you feel like a lesser person and your partner or your date will sense that. Don’t let anyone make you feel bad about being HIV positive, ever.
Trust Your Instincts
Trusting your guts is the best way to go about anything in life, including disclosing your HIV status to your partner or the person you’re interested in. While we do feel that the first date is probably the best time to come out, if you think that it would be wiser to wait just a little bit more, by all means – do so. Each situation is different and there is no rulebook when it comes to these sorts of things. Well, there is one rule, and that is – you have to tell. Other than that, just relax and trust your instincts and you’ll do just fine.